Heterochromia Iridum

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It hadn’t come yesterday and by now I was getting fairly impatient.  It said ‘dispatched’ on eBay, and I reckoned that with a first class stamp it should have arrived today by the latest.  Perhaps they had sent it economy.  Well, I had done so many days without; one more day wouldn’t harm.

The description promised quality acrylic, in a natural shade very much like my own and exactly the size I needed.  Pre-loved, as they nowadays call used goods. I had ordered it from a specialised site; it would be checked for measurements and defects.   I was wondering what had happened to the last owner.  Had he- or she-died?  Bought a completely new one?  Being of modest means, I had opted for a second-hand one.  All in all, I would be very happy when I could remove the black cloth.  People stared at me in the streets; I had children coming up to me and asking awkward questions.  One mother snatched her child from me and made the sign of the cross.  Add this to my two knee-replacements, my hearing aids and extensive dental work and I would soon be a bionic woman.  My granny used to say: ‘a creaking chariot outruns all others’ and I was creaking in multiple places.

24 hours later

It has arrived; a small box, in return for a signature.  I tore the wrapping off and saw it.  You stupid eejit, I thought.   You should have checked and checked again; tick the box for the correct colour.  I couldn’t even blame it on the computer; it was all my fault. 

So now I can add another condition to my long list of health conditions: heterochroma iridum: two different coloured eyes.  Ach well, I suppose it is a talking point.

 

 

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Thank you! Be your nose a pointer for your brain! (OED)

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