The Magic Pebbles of Lunan Beach

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Once Upon a time there was a woman. She was called Saoirse and she had everything. Beauty, youth, a loving family and handsome fiancé. There was only one thing she lacked: words. She could think, she could make noises, but she had no words.

She couldn't take part in the national conversation on 50 Shades of Scottish Rain. She couldn't share how to win the wind sometimes whispered through the trees and touched her face like a tender lover, and at other times raged like an angry God, destroying everything in its wake. She couldn't tell her baby brother the names of the animals when she was minding him.

And, most important of all she couldn't tell her fiancé she that she loved him. 

So she decided to go on a quest to find words. Firstly, she went to the Isle of Skye. When she was walking on the shore, a Selkie came up to her.

 ‘Don't fret,’ said the Selkie.  ‘Come with me. As a Selkie you don't need words, and we Selkies have a lot of fun with each other.’

The Selkie held up a seal skin.

‘Coming?’ she asked.

Saoirse backed off. She wanted to tell her fiancé to marry her and raise a family together. She needed words and being a Selkie wouldn't help.

Next, she went to Loch Ness. She sat on a bench when Nessie lifted her head out of the loch.

‘Come with me,’ she said. ‘We have no need for words. There's a lot of us down here and in Loch Morar too. We play around all day, mostly tricking Nessie hunters in believing we exist.’

But Saoirse wanted to be able to tell her fiancé she how she felt when he caressed her body and kissed her, so she politely told the Loch Ness Monster no.

Just then she heard a couple of American voices behind her.

‘Do you see what I'm seeing? That was the Loch Ness Monster, no doubt. Quick, get your camera otherwise no one in Tucson AZ will believe us when we come back.’

Nessie gave Saoirse a wink and lowered herself back in the water back to keep on tricking tourists and visitors.

Saoirse then went to Rumbling Bridge where she met with the Devil. He was long and skinny, and dressed like an undertaker. But there was a fire behind his eyes.

‘Come with me,’ the Devil said. ‘We party all day and all night. It's an eternal disco down there. Throw in some fornication and you'll have a ball. A fabulous, decadent life and no need for words. You only have to sell me your soul.’

But Saoirse backed off. She needed her soul and wanted to be able to tell her fiancé he made her happy and she didn't need anything else but to do that she needed words.

She went to the Birnam Wood where she met a Unicorn. It was a pure white beast and when it shook its head, sparks flew into the night.

‘Come with me,’ the Unicorn said. ‘I will take you to the Palace of the Fairy Queen. You’ll be happy there. We make music all day and night and we dance. There's no need for words, just fun.’

But Saoirse didn't want to ride the Unicorn. Living in fairy land was better than living in water or fire, but she wanted to be able to tell her fiancé all that she felt for him. She needed words.

Finally, she came to Lunan Beach. It was windy and raining and and Saoirse was sandblasted when walking along the shore. Suddenly a Conger Eel lifted himself from the water. Boy, was he ugly. Razor sharp teeth in his mouth and skin pockmarked by a life laying in wait for prey in rocky coves.

‘Girl, he said, ‘I am old and ugly. My world is not suitable for you; it is lonely, watery and without words. There isn’t even a folk tale about me. I am a sad and forgotten animal, but if you give me a kiss, I'll give you words.’

Saoirse was a lovely and caring woman, so she took pity on the old and ugly Conger Eel. She stepped into the surf and gave the old fella a kiss on his head, carefully avoiding his sharp teeth.

‘You have words,’ said the Conger Eel, before returning to the deep.

And she felt a Pebble in her mouth. She spit it out and it had words on it. ‘Love’ and ‘sea’. Another Pebble came and another till she had all the words she needed in her life.

She scooped up all the Pebbles and went on the long journey home. She could finally tell her fiancé not to dawdle anymore but to get married straight away. And so it happened.

PS: Saoirse never stopped talking anymore. She and her husband got divorced after a marriage of only two years. She just wouldn't stop, and it was doing his head in big time.

Trudy Duffy – Christmas 2024


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